Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Little by Little

The school year is over. High school is over. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. I am 17. I am expected by some to know how I will be spending my life in a quarter of a century. It seems I am supposed to be confident in the decisions I am making right now, but these are the first decisions of this size that I am making. And only I can make them. And they will determine the rest of my life.

Maybe I'm taking it too seriously.

Maybe I'm not taking it seriously enough.

High school didn't teach me how to make decisions. High school taught me to not take myself too seriously, because I have no idea what I'm doing. High school taught me to not take what other people say and do too seriously because they're just as clueless as I am. High school taught me that the people in charge, the people running the show, don't know the plot themselves. For all of their directions and advice and demands, they're trying to come up with a story as they go. High school has taught me that the story of the play they are trying to direct is written as it's performed, by the actors, the students.

High school has taught me that no one really knows what they're doing. And that's ok.

So we fill our days with worksheets and the memorization of facts that are relevent to little, each of us trying to write our own stories line by line, letter by letter, little by little.

High school has taught me that life is lived little by little.

Now about those life-altering decisions...

"Today is ours,
condemned to be free.
I'm free to keep breathing..."
~ "Sooner or Later"

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