Millions of Faces

Sometimes I wish I were not fallible, and other times I'm thankful that I am. Sometimes all I can see are the difficulties I create for myself and I want to give in, I want to give up and say that the fight is not worth it anymore, if the fight ever was worth it. Other times I can see what I could gain or create because I'm standing firm and resisting the urge to quit fighting - which is the surest way to loose the war - to loose the resolve and desire to win. To loose my passion for the cause. To forget to persist.

I don't know what the purpose of all this matter around me is, any more than I know the meaning of life, any more than I know the reason of my own life. I've got an idea that it's all about loving and being loved and learning who we are from eachother.

But who knows? Maybe it's better to waste and destroy materials and gifts, or worse still, tear eachother down and ignite anger and hate. Maybe creating division is the surest way to ensure strength. Maybe united is not the way we stand. Maybe the Dark side of the Force is the better way; the quick and easy path is not so bad after all. Yet, I remember: "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny," . The promise of escape is temporary, a mere remedy. It is not true as Truth, absolute and everlasting. It turns your freedom against you in ways difficult to realize, but powerful nonetheless.

"We were made to be lovers, bold in broken places..."
Love's truest definition is not a feeling, but a choice to give yourself to a cause out of humility and respect.

"...Millions of faces
are looking for a movement.
cause everything's stuck
and everything's frozen,
everyone's broken.
And nobody moves
and everyone's scared
that the motion will never come.

This is the incompletion
stuck in a line.

LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT."
~Switchfoot, Love is the Movement

Puddleglum Rules

Hey.

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Finals are finally over and summer is wonderful. Grad parties, summer jobs, books, movies, little to no stress, . . . it's wonderful to contemplate and awakening to slow the pace for a while. I'm very lucky.

I have been replaying scenes from my favorite books in my head over and over the past few weeks. It kinda starts driving me crazy when my mind has a hard time climbing out of the books and into what's happening around me in real life. I hesitate to call it reality because my favorite books are "The Fairy Tales Retold" by Regina Doman; they are modernized versions of The Fairy Tales of The Brothers Grimm. Sometimes, like one of the characters in these stories, I think that fairy tales are more real than real life because of the truths illustrated in simpler, clearer, more obvious ways than in real life.

Fairy tales are beautiful, simple, honest things that call people as individuals, not by the masses, to see what is normally hidden (or hidden in plain sight) and become or reveal the part of themselves that can be greater than even they themselves can imagine. Maybe that's why I like fairy tales so much: They call people as individuals to be something more than what they know. To conquer dragons and defeat spells with courage and honor. To stay true to one's heart and fight for what is good. Standing firm and true in the face of battle, in the face of the ugliest side of humanity, in the face of the storm. To live always in the truth, though the price may be our lives or tremendous suffering. To offer our lives for a greater cause.

Maybe in the face of real life, this sounds more like idealism or even insanity than something worth living for or something worth dieing for. But I must say that I prefer these midevil ideals to the modern ones of pleasure and self-importance which seem to force themselves from all angles. So I will not settle for less than what I know does not need to be impossible. I will live according to these convictions to the best of my ability.

Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's the funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies making up a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world.
~Puddleglum to the witch, about the paleness of her underground kingdom in the face of his image of Narnia
"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair", by C.S. Lewis

Everything inside you
knows there's more than what you've heard;
There's so much more than empty conversations
filled with empty words.
And you're on fire...
~Switchfoot, "On Fire"

Love is a decision, not a feeling or a moment.
Nothing worth being is easy.
"Speaking the truth is what makes people trust you."
~Sully, Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman

I've watched the movie Bella 3 times in the last 2 days. It's a beautiful movie dealing with many themes and realities I think tend to be shoved aside and ignored. I watched some of the special features and was struck by the passion of the people working on the film. The director said that he was talking to some friends before any thoughts about the story began to formulate in his mind, and he found himself saying that he would not want to support something he does not believe in. Later in the interview, he said "To do anything in life you need passion. Without passion you can't do anything,". That was the basic message given by all the producers and the actors.

It kind of clears things up for me. I have no idea what I want to do or study or become. I can do basically anything when I want to. My problem is my motivation. I hear people say that they want to do something because it makes money or because they admire somebody else who has done something similar. To me, I want to follow my own path because it is mine to follow. I want to find something I can give myself to entirely without holding anything back, and create something beautiful that can change hearts. I want to be myself.

This is my song for today.


c'mon c'mon
By: Switchfoot

You've been living life like it's a sequel
and you're already bored with the plot
as if the cast and the score
are more money than before
but the script and the backdrop ore stock

we've got the rest of our lives to regret
all the words that were said here tonight but I'll bet
that the morning, in the morning
we'll find us in bloom

so c'mon c'mon c'mon
let's not be our parents
oh c'mon c'mon c'mon
let's follow this through
oh c'mon c'mon c'mon
everything's waiting

we will rise with the wings of the dawn
when everyting's new

Ever size up with the summer sun?
Let these songs awaken the dawn
Let us breathe every breath
like a gift to be kept
Let us breathe it all in till it's gone

We've got the rest of our lives to live out
all these dreams we've stayed up tonight talking about
In the morning start hoping to not be too soon

So c'mon c'mon c'mon
let's abandon this darkness
oh c'mon c'mon c'mon
let's follow this through
yeah so c'mon c'mon c'mon
everything's waiting
We'll be lit up like fire and gold
when everything's new

Our Beliefs

Today I ate lunch in the campus minister's room for the first time. I would never have gone in there for lunch on my own, but someone who I would not have expected to lead me in there came and, well, led me in there. He is in the group that I eat lunch with everyday. I've come to like his high energy level and just being around him. Like most teenagers we do not talk about religion or beliefs or anything more deep than relationships at lunch. It's mostly things like "I really did not need to see that", "That was disgusting!"; or "(a teacher's name here) is awesome!" "I've never had him/her" "You cannnot go to this school without having him as a teacher. Once freshmen year, so-and-so said this and he just looked at him like (facial expression here) and then he just looked away like 'sad, really'." Or "the time this teacher and this teacher got into a lightsaber duel and (the one who always wears a darth vader mask during these duels) stepped on the edge of his own cape, slipped backwards, and landed on (short person here). And then (the teacher always dressed as Luke) lost his balance cause he was expecting (the other teacher)'s lightsaber to be there and it obviously wasn't, but he almost fell. He didn't, though. He caught his balance on a pile of books. The entire thing of books just fell onto the darth vader mask. (The teacher wearing the darth vader mask) had a headache for two days. It was perfect! Not that he had a headache, but... Do you remember that, Chives?" (This is not a true story, but I am surprised it has not happened yet).



Anyways..., we don't talk about religion, so I have no idea whether I eat with Atheists or Protestants or all Catholics. I have no idea what most of these people believe. So the campus minister and the guy who led me into the office started talking about what's going on with the drama club. And he calmly explained his concerns and why he is angry and who he is angry at, and she calmly listened, offereing advice on what to do about it. I was surprised at how calmly this guy spoke about the things that are really bothering him. This is the same guy who makes a show of how he can predict the kind of candy this other person is going to eat everyday. This is the same guy who greets people with waving arms and a loud voice from across the room. Then our campus minister, being the campus minister, offers him a spare cheap cross necklace from Oriental Trading or something, leftover from a retreat. That is when the discussion about religion began. He said no and kind of laughed at the suggestion. She asked him if he believes in God and he said no. She did not get mad and neither did he. Then she asked if he believes in any superior existance or whatever and he said "Well, I don't know, I guess not, no." She just said okay. I wanted to interogate him about his beliefs further, calmly, of course, cause I was curious. He started talking about how his mom wants him to believe in God, so she tells him that she's going to make him go to Church everyday until he graduates, and he wants no part of it. She talks about religion to him all the time because she wants him to believe in God. And he wants no part of it.



My history teacher has a few interesting, random facts and quotes and the like on his board everyday. Today, one of them said that when you call a dog to you and then punish it, you are teaching the dog not to come to you. What you should do is reward the dog when it comes to you and punish it by sending it away.


Today my mom was talking to me in the car. She told me about my aunt going to Adoration and I must have sighed dramatically or groaned or something. (My mom's voice changes when she starts talking about Jesus and Mary and the Eucharist and it drives me absolutely crazy.) My mom put on her religion lecture voice where she states her beliefs and asks me why I wouldn't hold the same beliefs as her. I freaked out, to put a long story short. She said it was uncalled for.

I was upset, and as I silently stared out the car window, I realized that you can not force anyone to believe anything. The more you lecture the more you push people away. The more you imply people are wrong, the more they will try to avoid you and what you stand for. The more you talk the less people will listen. No one likes being told that their beliefs are inferior to someone else's, no one likes being told what to believe, no questions asked. (Questions are a good thing)

Saint Francis of Assissi thought that it was better to preach with actions than with words. "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words."
True, words are powerful. But truer still is the fact that actions speak to people more loudly than words.

Ultimately, the truth must be chosen by the individual. I believe all people of good will have chosen it, and I believe the best place to choose the truth is in the Roman Catholic faith. I believes our lives are shaped in great part by our choices, and our choices are shaped by our dearest beliefs. Therefore, our lives are to testify to what we believe is the truth. Not how well we lecture.

from the couch

Tonight, I have been really bored. I am compiling a binder with poems written by Chesterton and Lewis. I want to memorize them. They are very beautiful and very much different from what we read in my Honors British Lit class. I'm watching National Treasure again. I love this movie, and I don't know why. I was talking to my mom about that last night. I pulled a Chesterton quote off TheShadowoftheBear.com yesterday, so I was relatively prepared to explain why I like the movie so much, inspired by the idea from Chesterton.

"To the insane man his insanity is quite prosaic, because it is quite true. A man who thinks himself a chicken is to himself as ordinary as a chicken. A man who thinks he is a bit of glass is to himself as dull as a bit of glass. It is the homogeneity of his mind which makes him dull, and which makes him mad. It is only because we see the irony of his idea that we think him even amusing; it is only because he does not see the irony of his idea that he is put in Hanwell at all. In short, oddities only strike ordinary people. Oddities do not strike odd people. This is why ordinary people have a much more exciting time; while odd people are always complaining of the dullness of life. This is also why the new novels die so quickly, and why the old fairy tales endure for ever. The old fairy tale makes the hero a normal human boy; it is his adventures that are startling; they startle him because he is normal. But in the modern psychological novel the hero is abnormal; the centre is not central. Hence the fiercest adventures fail to affect him adequately, and the book is monotonous. You can make a story out of a hero among dragons; but not out of a dragon among dragons. The fairy tale discusses what a sane man will do in a mad world. The sober realistic novel of to-day discusses what an essential lunatic will do in a dull world."
~Gilbert Keith Chesterton, Orthodoxy, Chapter 2, "The Maniac"


Wordy? yes
Worth reading a few times or until the meaning is comprehended? I think so

I wish people would talk and write the way they used to. If this were to be on the inside cover of a "modern-day" book, the reader would more than likely not even buy the book because it would require too much effort to read, and apparently thinking is uncool.

Speaking of uncool, my school's prom is tomorrow night, and all the teachers and SADD are making sure everyone understands that it is wrong to put someone else's or your own life in danger by driving while drunk or high. SADD made a big deal out of it by having the grim reaper come in to "kill" someone every half hour or so - about how often someone is killed the night of prom across the nation because someone was driving under the influence. Teachers lecured or told stories of prom past.

I like stories. I think that people who actually hear stories and learn from them have a notable advantage in understanding people and how to live. I also think there is a binding force behind oral tradition between the storyteller and the listener.

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.“ ~Albert Einstein

purple link

There for You
By: The Undeserving

I'll be there for you when the sky falls down
I'll be there for you when no one's around
I'll be there for you when there's no way out
and you're down
and you frown

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more

I'll be there for you through your deepest fears
I'll be there for you 'till the smoke clears
I'll be there for you when you see no end
and your friends
are all gone

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more

You could turn your back or
run a thousand miles away
I'll be waiting for you
with nothing left to say but

I'll be there for you when nothing can go wrong
I'll be there for you when you sing a joyful song
I'll be there for you when your smile lights the room
and your gloom is all gone

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more

tonight

Nice to be back at home. I've been staying at my aunt's all week because my parents and youngest sister were in Germany for a robotics competition. Their group is the only one from the States. I'm proud, but I've missed home. A lot.

I just cam home from the ProLife youth conference I've been helping to organize. Kinda disappointed in the turn out from my high school. The conference was really good. Great people. Awesomest concert I've ever been to: Obsidian Crush and The Undeserving. Really good speakers: Jennifer Miller (BioEthics International), Jason Jones (Producer of Bella), and Sean Carney (40 Days for Life) were my favorites. I heard a moving song by Life Rock. I heard an incredible story told by a 19-year-old girl. It went something like this: In Baton Rouge, a teenage girl found she was pregnant. She tells her boyfriend who responds by telling her she needs an abortion. Sitting in the abortion clinic, alone, waiting for the abortionist to come in, the girl feels confusion. Someone, not the abortionist, comes in all of a sudden, looks around the room, finds nothing unusual, and sits down nest to the girl. She says she has no idea why she is there. She doesn't work at the abortion clinic, she's not normally there. This is unusual for her, but she says that she believes God wanted her to come into this room. She does not know why, but she sees that it is to talk to the young girl waiting for the abortionist. The girl who came into the room randomly hands the other a brochure on the dignity of the human person. She tells the frightened girl that her baby is destined to do great things and speak to thousand of people. The confused girl reads the brochure, leaves the abortion clinic, goes home, and informs her boyfriend that she is going to have the baby with or without him. She travels to her home in Michigan, pours her heart out to her mom and they weep together. Her mom supports her decision, she carries the baby full term, and the baby turns out to be the 19-year-old girl telling the story. She said that if we are going to remember any one thing from her talk, let it be the truth that God has a plan for each individual in the room, and that everyone as a human is marked with the seal of His love.
Proud to be a part of this. Many thanks to many people for organizing this event. Many thanks to all who came. Many thanks to all a part of the pro-life movement. Persist. Please.

Hope the Invisible Children Rescue is going well.

Please pray! Our best and most effective weapons are the Rosary and the Sacraments, most importantly the Eucharist. Our shields are Our Lady's scapular and the truth.

Life Will Triumph.